Here I am . I made it through the 4th chemo much better then the 3rd! I got IV fluids & zofran, got to love the liquids. I told you I would tell you about my meditation river catfish. So here you go. I read in a book about using an animal to help your mind eradicate your cancer. So one man said he used catfish because they never sleep, they only eat the waste (so all your good cells are left alone), and they are strong. So I did a little research I never realized there were so many types of cat fish. I choose the channel catfish because it can swim and eat in the current and it looks like a rainbow trout, some what, along with the other characteristics I mentioned above. So now when I meditate I envision my "fish boys" working hard eating all the dead chemo so my liver doesn't get over whelmed. Then I have it state on the tumors in my breast. I feel like it is helping. During my 3rd chemo I was really worried about the bone pain so Mike and I looked up how the blood is made in the bones and how it gets out. I decided to envision the blood leaving my bones faster into the blood stream with the thought if I didn't let the bones get too full they wouldn't hurt. I think it worked to a point. The bone pain was cut in half that time.

I'm at my halfway mark! Only 3 more chemo treatments to go! If all goes as planned I will be having surgery the end of May the 1st of June. I had a wonderful visit from Brett and Katie on the 22nd of February. I really enjoyed that. They are doing well Brett is working for Johnson & Johnson right now and Katie is an Iron Angel you should check it out she is gorgeous! Chemo #2 was hard but I made it. Chemo #3 is harder then the last. I started feeling sick at 4pm yesterday! Only 3 hours after I finished my treatment Ug. :-( I have had some questions as to what chemo drugs I am getting. So for those that are interested here they are: Cytoxan and Taxotere it is often referred to as the C/T cocktail. The injection I get the day after to build my blood is called Neulasta. I found this poem by Ginger Johnson it embodies a lot of my feelings so I am going to share it with you. A Letter to My Cancer: It may seem like you have control in my life right now, But you really don"t. Your presence only makes me stronger, braver, Kinder,wiser. I choose how I think, what I speak and how I love. You will never be able to touch those things, NEVER. The fear of your name no longer haunts my soul because I know that my soul belongs to me and to God. You may take your claim on this frail outer shell But never on my divine spirit that cries out "I am not my body". My soul will run, leap and tower over your attempts to pull me down into despair. Those who surround me will fight with me to let it be known that we will not surrender. Our hearts and souls are tied together in a lasting bond that no amount of your impending growth can break. You see cancer, you do NOT own me. I own myself, And I will survive. I'm tired now so I'm going to stop but I will try and blog in a couple of days. I wand to tell you about my meditation river catfish. And I have finished the cancer genealogy. It will blow you away! Bye for now

Thursday the 7th of February was my 2nd chemotherapy treatment. They used the new port I got,I was less then excited about it it really hurt! Some because it has only been 10 days since it was placed, but it was not good. I was promised it would get better. The treatment actually went well Mike and I played Canasta, I won! Yah me! I met 3 women today. One that was very young not sure what treatment she was receiving but so sweet. The center has wigs you can have and she had a Ragual Welch box among them so I told her that was one of my favorites. It's the one she choose. The second lady was very quite, come to find out she is 4 months

ahead of me, going through the same regiment. All she could say is good luck it's awful! She was 2 weeks out from her double mastectomy. The third lady was so up beat, come to find out she loves her port "it's my best friend!" she said. She had the same kind of breast cancer as I do 11 years ago. She now has stage 4 brain cancer. Her attitude was amazing! below is a picture of my chemo room

My daughter Angie was going to shave her hair with me at my Blessing Way (Emmy too) to show support for me. But she was asked, just a few days before it to join one of the busiest midwifery practices in Utah county, so she couldn't. But my brother Brett shaved his head the day after to show solidarity for me.

After my Blessing Way the party continued at the wig shop. It was fun trying on all the different wigs. Pam was awesome she just kept on putting wigs on me until we found the three I liked the most. Mom, MaryAnn & Mike, Missy, Angie, Emmy and of course my Mike all gave input. The two Mike's put thumbs DOWN on the red one. (the first picture in the scrap book below) This was one of the most dynamic things I have every experienced. Thanks to all the women in my healing circle. Your blessings were as unique as each one of you are. I hold each one of you in the high esteem. (This includes the 12 women here and the 6 long distance women.) I want to thank mom for preparing the food. I know where I get my intuition as a cook. The food was awesome! Elizabeth, Thank you for the chocolate covered strawberries! They where so yummy! My little Emmy must have eaten 4 or 5 alone! I so enjoyed them. Mom's comment was, "Elizabeth always does things with class." More to come later.

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The Last part of the Blessing Way denotes the change that a woman goes through in her particular journey. My hair was done up so the matriarch (my mother Sandra in my case) takes it down and brushes it. This was very calming to me along with the story she told. Then my hair was tied up and cut. When my hair falls out is the only thing I have control over right now so I empowered myself and choose when with the help of everyone there.

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On December 7, 2012 I received a diagnoses of Breast Cancer (infiltrating ductile carcinoma). As I crumpled to the floor in tears I thought NO No No this can't be. My plate is so full. How can I possible fight another huge fight. More tears followed in the days after but a silent resolve was growing. The decision was made to do a lumpectomy and some local radiation. Then once again we were knock down. A last minute MRI showed more cancer. After surgery and 9 more biopsy's it became clear that the cancer is very aggressive and we would have to be aggressive as well. More tears, I started chemotherapy on January 17, 2013. I will have 6 treatments 3 weeks apart. Then I will have a double mastectomy followed by radiation and reconstruction. That resolve I mentioned well it has grown into a tree with the love and support of my family and friends. I know Father in Heaven knows me and is near to me every day. He has answered prayers and calmed my fears. My daughter Angie gave me a Blessing Way on January 26, 2013. It was one of the most amazing thing I have ever done. So I will share it with you in 3 parts.

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